In any endeavor we undertake in life, whether it's advancing in our careers, growing a business, or putting ourselves out there on social media, we will inevitably face criticism and negativity from others. When people denigrate what we're doing, it's often more a reflection of some inner turmoil they're facing rather than a fair assessment of our efforts. However, it's difficult not to be impacted when the negativity comes from those close to us or when it starts to pile up. How can we stay grounded in ourselves during these challenging times?
I recently faced, people attacking the work I'm trying to do to inspire and make a positive impact. I recognized that these reactions triggered feels of self-doubt and anxiety inside me—emotions I needed to address head-on. During a pivotal conversation with a mentor, he shared a strategy that completely shifted my mindset.
He told me the story of Buddha walking down a road when a hateful, angry man started berating him, shouting insults and questioning his integrity. Yet the Buddha remained calm and unphased. Finally, the man demanded to know why his words provoked no reaction. Buddha replied, “If you have a gift and offer it to someone, but that person does not accept it, who does the gift belong to?” The man looked puzzled until Buddha explained, “Likewise, if you give me anger and negativity but I do not choose to accept it, who does it belong to?”
This tale illustrates that we always have a choice of whether to accept and engage with the negativity coming our way. When we react to it, we essentially accept ownership of it, letting it influence our self-perception and emotions. However, if we refuse to even acknowledge it, it simply has nowhere to land and nothing to feed on. The key is to let it belong to the other person rather than claiming it as our own.
Easier said than done, of course. Here are four techniques I've found useful in practicing non-reaction:
1. Breathe and detach.
When criticism lands, consciously tell yourself this is not my emotion to own. Then take a few deep breaths, focusing on your breath rather than your thoughts. This will interrupt your impulse to immediately react and allow you to gain perspective.
2. Understand all thoughts are neutral.
Our judgments of events as “good” or “bad” cause us to have emotional reactions. Try to adopt the mindset that this thing happening is just a thing happening, without any positive or negative meaning attached to it.
3. Focus inward.
Ask yourself, is what this person says or believes really relevant to my values, my mission or the positive difference I’m here to make? Does their opinion change the essence of who I am or what I stand for?
4. Visualize a shield around you.
Picture a sphere of white light enveloping you, protecting you from incoming negativity. Visualize the hatred and judgment bouncing off your protective shield, leaving you energized and empowered.
While we all want to be understood and approved of, at the end of the day, we have live by our own compass, staying grounded in our personal truth. If we know we are doing good and making a contribution from a place of authenticity and care for others, external criticism can't fundamentally change that.
Remember that much negativity directed our way reflects inner unrest, resentment or sadly, more condemnation of themselves. I've found when interacting with the most vocally hateful people that hurting people hurt people. Their reactions aren't about me at all.
Of course I'm a human being too, and some days the criticism stings more than others. What matters most is what I do and how I respond next. I've made the commitment to keep putting good into the world, regardless of whatever vitriol may come my way. I hope by sharing my own lessons learned, I might help others stay centered when they encounter haters themselves.
Stay true to who you are. Be guided from within and don't accept anyone else's attempts to write your story. Your positivity is far more powerful than their negativity could ever be. The light always outshines the dark.